


Good Nights

by hermess



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 12:42:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13008021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermess/pseuds/hermess
Summary: Alec thinks about the nights with and without Magnus. Set before/after the breakup in 2.18





	Good Nights

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was heavily inspired by the song Good Nights by Whethan. It is a great song and I highly recommend it!

In the beginning the good nights were plenty. The good nights were every night. The good nights lasted.

He could wake up and lie there forever looking at the one he loved sleeping, but he would have to go soon. He would always have to go eventually. He would move to get up but a hand on his and a whispered “stay” was all he needed to lay back down, if only for a little while more.

It was a feeling he hadn't known before, and it was one he wanted to savor. Then, the good nights began to dwindle.

Either one of them woke in the middle of the night with a scream on their lips or one of them went to bed alone. Sometimes, one of them never went home. The comfort and peace they had felt dissipated.

Coming home to a cold bed became normal. The nightmares became normal. The good nights seemed like a hazy memory, but occasionally there was one. A night when he could sleep in the arms of his love and pretend everything was fine. The problems of the day would be pushed away with the murmured promises against his neck. The promises that he'd never let him go fell softly on his skin and he let it warm him. He let himself believe it.

Then, in one moment, it all snapped. The good nights had ended and they would never return. His love had made a choice to leave. Home changed and the nights became colder and lonelier. Silk sheets were replaced with hard cotton. The strong arms around him fell away and didn't return. When he woke with the clock flashing 3AM there were no more comforts in his ear and no more soft hands holding him together.

In the silence of the night, he fell apart.

Without anything, or anyone, to put him back together, he broke. The pieces tumbled down one by one in the cold of this new night.

He didn't let anyone see the new cracks that had formed. He saved those for himself and the nights he faced. He soldiered on.

Too soon, he saw his love again. He knew it was him who had left him alone but his heart ached for the man who made him whole. His heart ached for the memories of the good nights. 

With the burn of alcohol in his throat, he let himself show the cracking to his love and hoped he would understand that he couldn't stand the nights alone. He opened himself up again and could only hope he came back.

He did notice, in the end. He saw the pain and tension and hard lines. He pulled him back in and they fell back together. He lowered him down into silk and warmth and breathed apologies into his ear. He wrapped arms around him and held him close. He let himself be held and muttered apologies into the chest of the man he couldn't live without, only stopping his constant stream of words when a quiet “hush” was felt against his hair.

He did hush and burrowed deeper into the arms around him. He breathed in the peace and let himself relax. He placed a hand on the chest in front of him. He could feel the pieces of himself coming back together with each beat of the heart below his palm. He let himself slip into the darkness of sleep and thought, tonight will be a good night.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first fic in this fandom so let me know what you think! If you have any questions or anything or just want to get to know me you can come visit me on [tumblr](http://artemiss.tumblr.com)


End file.
